ARCHIVE A: OCTOBER 2002

Sunday, October 27th, 2002
I just had a really interesting dream. I was staying with my grandfather and another family that I didn't know in a house that I didn't recognize. And what happened was I wrote a song called "Red Dragon." I don't remember how it got written, but I remember wanting to write a song and doing a bunch of stuff to try and write one. And I listened to it a lot in the dream and I really liked it. And Jewel eventually picked it up to put on her album. Which is weird because I have never seen and have no intention of seeing the movie Red Dragon. And the lyrics made no sense. Also, my grandfather dyed his hair black. I think I assumed it was a way of him to deal with his grief (my grandmother just died about a month ago). I also remember asking my suitemate Gloria (yeah, the one that talks during movies) if she could listen to a song and comment on it. She listened to it once and was like "Uh, I don't know, let me listen to it again." It's something she'd say. But now I want to write a song. :) I don't know any instruments, but we'll see how it goes. I'm going to at least try.
&02:08PM EST

Not much to say. I went and saw Tuck Everlasting today. I liked it - especially Miles. I just love brooding, tragic, dark-toned guys. I have no idea who played him either...I'll find out, lol. I love Gilmore Girls too, so I saw it partly because of that. Though, the main reason was I love tragic, dark-toned movies, and despite it being Disney, it made me think. I don't want to give away the ending, but I would have done the opposite of what Winnie did (for those of you who know). Anyway, good movie.
By the way, if you talk during movies...STOP. Gah, two of my suitemates, Gloria and Cristal, keep doing that. I watched Life as a House and Save the Last Dance with Cristal last night, and Bring it On with Gloria and Cristal today. I can't stand it! I usually watch movies by myself, because for me they're really personal experiences. Especially with movies like Life as a House. I don't want to be hearing about plot holes when Kevin Kline is telling Hayden Christiansen that he's dying of cancer. I don't want to hear about which parts of the dance routine are obviously not done by Julia Stiles during the big dance routine at the climax of the movie. And I definitely don't want to hear about who "really isn't that pretty," when that person is fucking beautiful. I mean, for real, with the exception of a couple of people, all actresses and actors in Hollywood movies are beautiful. Julia Stiles is not one of those exceptions. Blah, okay, rant over.
&01:07AM EST

Friday, October 25th, 2002
Well, today's my birthday! I got serenaded by one of my suitemates who has the same birthday as me. "Happy birthday to you (and me)!" Haha, good times. Friday Five, muthafuckazz!
1. What is your favorite scary movie? I'll go with Scream.
2. What is your favorite Halloween treat? Crunch bars. :)
3. Do you dress up for Halloween? If so, describe your best Halloween costume. I haven't for a long time. I dressed up as a hobo every year starting at middle school because it was easy.
4. Do you enjoy going to haunted houses or other spooky events? There was this haunted hayride that I used to go on every year with my friend Yumiko when I lived in South Carolina, and I absolutely loved it.
5. Will you dress up for Halloween this year? I kind of hope I do, but that all depends if I can get my lazy ass out and take the 20 minute walk to Target.
&12:32AM EST

Wednesday, October 23rd, 2002
Not too much to talk about. My birthday is coming up on the 25th, which kind of depresses me. Not because I'm getting older, but because I care so little. It kind of reminds me of Gong Li's character in Raise the Red Lantern. I mean, what's another day, another year, if it's like this everyday? What's the fucking use? I'll be nineteen.
I'm not really sure what to do with myself - I don't really need to study, I've been watching way too much TV, and I'm not tired. Like I said, not much to talk about. :)
&01:45AM EST

Saturday, October 19th, 2002
Damn, one hour late:
1. How many TVs do you have in your home? Well, we have one in the dorm room (we can only watch videos on it though) and one in the lounge of our suite (one lounge per four rooms). At my home home, seven. I know, I know, that's a lot. Two of them are ancient, though, if that makes any difference.
2. On average, how much TV do you watch in a week? Umm...sometimes I watch a lot and sometimes not really anything. I go from no TV in a week to watching four to six hours per day.
3. Do you feel that television is bad for young children? Not really, except in the physical sense. Some kids just watch TV all day and never go outside. As for me, I wouldn't know a damn thing if it wasn't for television.
4. What TV shows do you absolutely HAVE to watch, and if you miss them, you're heartbroken? Well, it used to be Law & Order and Gilmore Girls. But since the TV is hard to get at those prime time hours and we don't get the WB here, I haven't seen either of those in a while.
5. If you had the power to create your own television network, what would your line-up look like? Haha, well, it would have The Simpsons, Law & Order, Gilmore Girls, and some good foreign films.
&01:14AM EST

Thursday, October 17th, 2002
I finished a poem about an hour ago, called "The Truth Is." I really like it. So yeah, here it is:

I wish I could say that I was strong
and that I never cried.
But the truth is...
I wish I could say that I was over you
and that I've forgotten about you.
But the truth is...
I wish I could say that I was independent
from your touch.
But the truth is...
...I never stopped.
...I never forgot.
...I can't live without you.
I wish I could say that you needed me
like I need you.
But the truth is...
I wish I could say that in your heart
you could never be away from me.
But the truth is...
I wish I could say that you were addicted
to the way I smile.
But the truth is...
...You don't need me.
...You were never truly with me.
...You can easily do without me.
I wish I could say that I'll be okay;
that I'll move on.
But the truth is...
I wish I could say that when I smile,
it's genuine.
But the truth is...
I wish I could say that this life means
more to me than you.
But the truth is...
...I don't think I can go on.
...I'm crying on the inside.
...You're all I have. And I don't even have that.
I wish I could say a lot of things
that just aren't true.
But the truth is...
I don't have you.

&11:56PM EST

Wednesday, October 16th, 2002
Just finished a new artwork, called "Strange City". I don't feel too good about it. Not getting much love at Deviantart either...
&07:41AM EST

I don't like this layout anymore, hehe. I want to change it. Anyway, some random free verse that I wrote:

You're not allowed to
do it halfheartedly;
Because I'm giving my whole
heart -- I'm losing everything.
And you're not allowed
to forget that you cried,
so easily;
Because I'll always remember.
Your half of a heart and
your easy tears are no comfort to me,
when I've lost everything
to you.

I think it could be better written, but it's representative of my feelings. As is this next one, which is related in content to the first:

Am I allowed to
laugh out loud, even though I'm crying inside?
Am I allowed to sing happy
songs, even though a sad song
is playing in my heart?
Am I allowed to put on this facade every day,
even though it's not who I really am?

That's what happens when you listen to a lot of Sarah McLachlan. :)
&02:02AM EST

Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
Today was so horrible. My Japanese class went really badly - I couldn't get anything right. When I went to my second Japanese class at noon, we got grade reports, and I'm making a 35. I was so upset, and soon afterwards I had to meet some of the people in my English class to discuss our compositions, and I was just sitting outside waiting for them, crying a little bit. But then I waited, walked around the Wexner Center, walked around the café, walked around the bookstore, and couldn't find anyone. I was confused and upset, so I went home. What I really wanted to do was sleep, but I had to finish my French workbook pages and go to Cunz Hall to turn them in, and I was just like noooo...I'm really surprised I did them. But I did, and I turned them in, went to sleep at around 5:40PM, and am just now waking up. Sigh...very very bad day. I'm going to try to lift my spirits by doing some artwork or talking to my mom or something.
&09:41PM EST

Just writing a quick entry before I head off to bed. I'm such a terrible procrastinator...Anyway, I'm reading Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Love in the Time of Cholera. I'm a little over fifty pages through, and I really like it so far. The description on the back of the book really got me interested though:

A man with the soul of a poet and the patience of a saint, Florentino Ariza has waited more than half a century for the beautiful and haughty Fermina Daza, who revoked her promise to be his wife and instead married the wealthy Dr. Juvenal Urbino. Florentino Ariza's unrequited love survives fifty-one years, nine months, and four days, a time filled with encounters and travels, births, deaths, and poetry. As Fermina Daza and Dr. Urbino build their life together, Florentino Ariza creates his own life, remaining loyal to Fermina in his heart while succumbing to 622 "long-term liaisons." But it is only when Dr. Urbino finally dies that Florentino Ariza's life really begins.

I love books about unrequited love. And it has a different feel to it already because it portrays realistically how Fermina and Dr. Urbino lived during their fifty years together. I'll have to review this book completely after I'm done. For now though, I have to get some sleep so I can wake up for Japanese class in the morning.
&02:28AM EST

Monday, October 14th, 2002
Oh my God, I just came across this website, Nanowrimo.org. Participants, solely during the course of the month of November, attempt to write a 175-page, 50,000 word novel. I can't wait to start! I have so many ideas for it. If you have ever had an interest in writing a novel, you should definitely sign up. My username is UneAutreChose, for the curious.
&02:41AM EST

Sunday, October 13th, 2002
If you're interested, I wrote up 100 Things About Me.
&09:43PM EST

I drew a picture of a random girl today to practice coloring in Photoshop. The coloring went okay, but I liked the result when I put a halftone pattern effect on it. Here's the picture with halftone, and the colored original. Now, I'm going to go get some lunch and actually do something.
&04:29PM EST

I went and saw The Transporter last night. It was okay...the Asian girl was cute, but she couldn't act. Her character was a mad h0, too. I might go see another movie today, because there's nothing else to do, but...I should really be studying. *cries*
&12:52PM EST

Saturday, October 12th, 2002
Friday Five on Saturday...it's all good, seeing as this blog didn't exist yesterday and all:
1. If you could only choose 1 cd to ever listen to again, what would it be? Robert Miles' Dreamland. That's some of the most beautiful music I've ever heard, plus if I ever wanted to sing there's even a song on there that has lyrics. :)
2. If you could only choose 2 movies to watch ever again, what would they be? Raise the Red Lantern, an incredible Chinese movie, is definitely one of them. I think The Fugitive would be the other.
3. If you could only choose 3 books to read ever again, what would they be? Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead and Jean M. Auel's Clan of the Cave Bear, for sure...maybe The Cheese Monkeys by Chip Kidd for some humor. I said SMILE! Haha, good times.
4. If you could only choose 4 things to eat or drink ever again, what would they be? Damn. Umm...rice, water, chocolate chip cookies, and...aaaaaaaaaaah, I don't know. Kix.
5. If you could only choose 5 people to ever be/talk/associate/whatever with ever again, who would they be? Mom, Dad, my sisters Bridget and Shannon, and Brad Pitt. Hahaha.
I just had a really good breakfast down at the Commons. Scrambled eggs, hash browns, and a bowl of Apple Jacks. Probably the best breakfast I've had since I came to college.
&02:50PM EST

I went to an anime viewing last night. Some of those guys scared me - they were yelling out random Japanese phrases and wearing custom-made Pokemon t-shirts. Those people were just weird. Won't stop me from going back next week, though. They showed Slayers TRY, Patlabor 2, Akazukin Cha-Cha, Risky/Safety, Violinist of Hamelin, and something called Comic Party that I didn't see. TRY was worse than I expected. Patlabor was a major downer, but good. Akazukin Cha-Cha was so unabashedly shoujo - her power sequence including "Beauty Serene Arrow" and "Holy Feather" something took more time than all of the Sailor soldiers' tranformations combined. Risky/Safety was cute. And I really didn't get Violinist of Hamelin - hopefully it was just because I wasn't watching the first episode, but all the names and stuff just got really confusing. A little overdramatic at parts too.
&01:13PM EST

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