Monday, November 25th, 2002
"I won't be made useless / be made idle with despair." - Jewel

I finished Fyodor Dostoyevsky's Netochka Nezvanova sometime last week, but I forgot to write about it. Anyway, I loved it. It's an unfinished novel, unfortunately, but I was glad to read it. It's about this girl who was abused in her childhood, and when her parents were gone, she went to live with a rich family where the abuse continued in "a subtler form." Like I said, I loved it. The reviews on kind of favored certain parts over others (there are about three parts to it, and they were all written somehow differently), but I liked them all. :) Dostoyevsky's one of my favorite authors - he has incredible storylines.
I've been downloading stuff since David sent me Direct Connect. I have Chobits Eps. 1-9, Cardcaptor Sakura Eps. 5-8, Trigun Eps. 1-12, and Azumanga Daioh Ep. 1. Plus, Taxi Driver, which I have to watch for English. I'm a happy girl.
Ugh...I have to go to French in about 45 minutes. I haven't been in a week, and I still don't want to go. Blaaahhhhhh...
&05:24PM EST

Sunday, November 24th, 2002
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation" - Henry David Thoreau

Ohio State beat Michigan!! Hehe, I'm very happy that my college's team is doing well - it's getting me caught up in football. I hear that they're probably going to get rocked by Miami, though, lol.
My mistake was deciding to get some food after watching the game in my dorm. By the time I got something, people were taking up all of the elevators (my dorm is the closest one to the stadium). So, I had to climb seventeen flights of stairs. XP It was alright though, 'cause I met this guy named David and we ended up talking for a really long time. My suitemates all think I'm antisocial though (which I am), so I'm probably going to get grilled as soon as I leave the room. :P
Anyway, I put this on the main page, but there's a new song up at Spin, Ayumi Hamasaki's "M (Above & Beyond Typhoon Dub / Vocal Mix)." So, yeah, enjoy that. I was so madly obsessed with that song when I first heard
&07:31AM EST

Friday, November 22nd, 2002
"The artist's job is to disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed." - Stephen Gyllenhaal

I finally have a layout up for the collective's main page! I really like it, I came up with it during English class and the quote is from the essay that I have to read for English, David Foster Wallace's "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again." Hehe, I'm going to miss that class when it's over, even though I skipped it for two weeks straight. :P
Anyway, don't be too harsh about the new layout, because it's restored my faith in my ability to design. Not that it's wonderful, but it's a lot better than I've been doing. I heart, lol.
&07:45AM EST

Thursday, November 21st, 2002
"I've learned a lot from being alone." - Ayumi Hamasaki, "Still Alone."

If I stay in college next quarter, I will be taking Japanese 205, Astronomy 161, and Math 148. Blick. Oh well, it's for winter, I'm not going anywhere anyway.
My complete lack of artistic talent is very frustrating. I worked on this picture during all of my free time today, and it's giving me a hard time. Plus I don't really like the way it turned out. I'm just going to chalk it up to practice and move on - I have other ideas.
&07:03AM EST

Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
"A faithful heart makes wishes come true." - Lo, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

My Ayumi CD's came yesterday!! *squeals* They're really awesome, too. It was so nice to come back to the dorms after that humiliating day and see the package slip for my CD's sitting on my chair. I still have some things to take care of, unfortunately, because I have to do the begging for forgiveness thing in an e-mail to my Japanese teacher, and my window just opened up for scheduling. It's okay, though, the worst part's over.
This morning I'm going to treat myself to a café mocha and banana bread and go to the bookstore. I usually only do that on Fridays, but I could use a little extra chill time this week.
&03:11AM EST

Tuesday, November 19th, 2002
"The darkest light's before the dawn." - Moby, "If Things Were Perfect."

There's this thing I just discovered called Monday Mission. And I'm going to do it, because I have nothing else to do.
Is there anything you used to be able to do physically that you no longer can? What changed? Yeah, gymnastics. I think the best thing I could do was a really ghettofied front handspring. I like jumping on our trampoline and can do it on that, but I can't do any sort of gymnastics on the ground.
2. If you could go to lunch with someone famous, anyone living or dead, who would you choose? What questions would you ask them? Wow...that's so hard. I really don't know.
3. On that same thought, there are probably several Bloggers you enjoy reading but have never met in real life. Which one Blogger would you most like to meet for dinner? Why did you pick that person? What would you talk about? What do you have in common? What would you do after dinner? Gaile from Just because she seems so interesting, and because she's so cute! LOL, I actually think we have very little in common - we'd probably talk about web design and possibly reading. After dinner, I have no idea.
4. Money (or the lack thereof) is the number one cause of arguments amongst couples. Do you find this to be true? If there really was a "Money Tree" you could go and pick, would this really solve a couple's problems? I don't really know that many couples that have money problems, but I sort of believe that no matter how much money people have, they're going to have the same problems they had with it before. If people are bad with money, I believe that more money won't help that. But I could be wrong, because I've never really had money issues or known people who did.
5. Speaking of arguments, have you ever been drawn into any nasty, hateful arguments? The kind where hurtful things were said that had nothing to do with the fight at hand? What was that all about? How did it turn out? I had a very big argument with my best friend on October 4th. There's a lot of personal stuff behind it, but what he did was he called my mom and told her something that I meant to keep just between the two of us. I was angry and ended up leaving really mean messages on his machine, saying that he ruined my life and that he made me unhappy. I haven't talked to him since.
6. When was the last time you had to admit you were wrong about something? How did that go? Oh, I don't know...I'm wrong a lot.
7. Now for a slight change of theme....what song should never have been written? LOL. Umm...Mariah Carey's "Heartbreaker." Or more like, the video should never have been made.
BONUS: Are you ready for a new sensation? Absolutely not. LOL.
God, today's going to suck. I have to get down on my knees and beg for mercy from my Japanese teacher and my English teacher. My Japanese teacher because I'm not doing too well in the class because I miss it so much and he wants to know why. And my English teacher because I haven't been to class in two weeks. *cries* Please let my Ayumi CD's come today so I can at least have something good happen to me.
&07:59AM EST

Monday, November 18th, 2002
"Yes but I love you. That is the problem to which all other problems can be reduced." - Joyce Carol Oates, I'll Take You There.

Well, I'm back. I had a really good time - almost too good. I didn't want to leave. When we got to my house, it was weird how unfamiliar it felt to be there. I was looking at everything differently, as an outsider. It's like it's really not my home anymore, and I don't want to feel that way.
As for some good news, I weighed myself while I was there, since there isn't a scale here, and I've lost ten pounds. It makes sense, because I haven't been eating that much at all lately (because of my homesickness), and plus I have to walk everywhere. That's one of the best things that's happened to me since I got here.
&04:21AM EST

Friday, November 15th, 2002
I just can't see that half of us immersed in sin is all we have to give. - Jamiroquai, "Virtual Insanity."

Here's this week's Friday Five, at a new location (for this week, anyway). :D
1. Fuckin A, it's Friday finally. Whatcha drinkin, cause we all know you are a slobbering lush. Water. Haha.
2. Are ya gettin any this weekend? Who's the lucky bastard? Shright.
3. Tell Heather you fucking love her in a creative way. Watch your tongue and be nice, or I will hunt you down and cut it out of your filthy mouth. Heather?
4. Think these questions are fluff? Go fuck yourself. For the rest of you, what's the best fucking movie you've ever seen? [I mean, the best movie, not the best movie with fucking in it, unless you wanna share that too.] Raise the Red Lantern. Yeeah, that's an incredible movie.
5. So what the fuck are you doing this weekend? I'M GOING HOME!! I might do some shopping on Friday too, since I don't leave until Saturday morning.
Well, as you can see from the Friday Five, I'm going home this weekend. Gah, I haven't been home in almost two months, and I miss it so much. Unfortunately, I'm only going to be there for approximately thirteen and a half hours. I have a bunch of stuff planned - I've been looking forward to this ever since I heard about it. I've never been away from home this long, the second longest being three weeks, and it's killing me.

EDIT: I just finished Joyce Carol Oates' I'll Take You There. It's about a college student successively dealing with (sorority) life, (her first) love, and (her father's) death. I enjoyed it, though the metaphors could be a little frequent, vague, and even contradictory at times. It got on my nerves after a while.
Also, I have a new website up, called Spin.
&06:14AM EST

Thursday, November 14th, 2002
I need to fucking go to sleep:

Melanie, your unconscious mind is driven most by Resistance.
You approach the world with your guard intact because unconsciously, and perhaps consciously, you want to maintain an element of control in your relationships with people. You tend to hold much of what is in your unconscious mind just out of reach of others. You're not one to immediately show all your cards, to let people into who you really are until you're ready.
Unfortunately, that sometimes means you also hide things from yourself. You may find that your desire to remain guarded backfires, affecting your self-awareness. Why are you like this? It's possible that you act in this manner because of a deeply-rooted fear of being exposed, or of truly expressing yourself. To protect yourself from this fear, you act in the opposite manner - you are guarded.
There is a certain respect that comes with resistance, an unconscious understanding that the human psyche is very vulnerable. We all feel we have a lot to hide, and you are not one to be intrusive or thoughtless about how you approach sensitive topics with others. Therefore you inspire a sense of safety in others when they are around you. Your psyche is very deep, very rich, and the more you can let yourself know (both the good and the bad), the more you will be able to appreciate who you really are.
From Emode's Inkblot Test.

That sounds pretty accurate. I am a guarded person and I have a hard time seeing through my own lies. But I don't know...some of these are things a lot of people believe about themselves.'s just time to sleep. Though I'm afraid if I go to sleep now I won't wake up. Hehe...Final Fantasy V time!!
&07:07AM EST

Tuesday, November 12th, 2002
I didn't go to any of my classes today. Uggh...I'm such a bum. I set my alarm for PM instead of AM. I hate when I do that.
Even though my birthday was over half a month ago, I just ordered two CD's for it. I originally wanted Raise the Red Lantern and Ashes and Diamonds, but neither I nor my mom could find them in stores or on TV. So, we're going to try to find them before Christmas. BUT! I got two Ayumi Hamasaki remix CD's. *squeals* I got Ayu-Mi-X 4 + Selection Non-Stop Mega Mix Version and Cyber Trance presents Ayu Trance 2. Also, Jake got one of the Ayumi Euro Mix CD's at a con a while back, and he's going to send that to me, too. I feel so bad though...he spent an assload of money on it. Aaah, doushiyo~u!
I downloaded a bunch of Final Fantasy games last night, so I've been playing an unhealthy amount of Final Fantasy V...why did Faris have to be a #*$@!? Sigh...I won't give it away.
&10:38PM EST

Monday, November 11th, 2002
Read mah surveeeey! I just woke up about half an hour ago; I stayed up late last night talking to one of my good friends, Jake. (BTW, I put a picture on the side - I hate my hair in it, but Jake says it's okay, so...)
&06:32PM EST

It's been a while. To be honest, I had gotten to dislike that last layout so much that I couldn't even bring myself to blog. I like this new one a lot better. Maybe it's too simple, but I still like it. We don't have school...later today!! Yay!!
By the way, here's something interesting. You know how Nick Nolte's mugshot is being shown on every late night show? Well, his is nothing compared to Yasmine Bleeth's. So how come you (or at least I) didn't see it 85692374892 times? Because it happened Sept. 12, 2001. Her ass was saved from public humiliation because it wouldn't be PC to make fun of her mugshot until at least a month later, and by then it would be old news. So, I've made it my responsibility to reveal this oversight to the one visitor to my site. Hehe...well, don't forget to check out all the other crazy mugshots on (Check out Pee Wee Herman! LMFAO!)
EDIT: I also wrote a haiku during my little hiatus. Here it is:

It's so hard to live
without you, without you here
to comfort me through.

I really like it, and I got a really nice comment about it at, too.
&04:59AM EST

Friday, November 1st, 2002
I can start on Nanowrimo now!!! But I'm not, because I'm about to watch a movie. But first, Friday Five!! :::does a little dance:::
1. Were you raised in a particular religious faith? Yeah, Roman Catholicism.
2. Do you still practice that faith? Why or why not? No, I'm an atheist. I had always felt that religion was sort of bogus, but I really think I became an atheist at 15. In some ways I like being an atheist, because when I practiced Roman Catholicism it almost got to the point where I was afraid to think because I was so afraid of being sinful. Now, I am confident in the fact that things are more complex than just good and evil actions/thoughts. But in other ways, I don't like atheism. It has made me intensely afraid of death and of living my life the wrong way, because I believe that it's all I have. But it's my belief and I can't change it.
3. What do you think happens after death? Nothing. We rot in the ground. I don't like it, but it's what I believe.
4. What is your favorite religious ritual (participating in or just observing)? I love to sing. I'm still forced to go to church twice a year. I sing all the time anyway, but some church songs are just so beautiful. Like "On Eagle's Wings."
5. Do you believe people are basically good? Yes, I do. People can be corrupted to the point of no return by their environment, and though I believe that anyone under good circumstances can turn out to be wonderful people, this world is just not under good circumstances. Though the repurcussions of the actions of corrupted people can be extremely regrettable, and that their acts were done entirely of their volition, I think that those people could have been nice and happy people under better circumstances.
That was a very deep Friday Five.
&01:59AM EST

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